i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
