I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
