the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
