do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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