There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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