I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
