When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
