I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
