zippers are such a cool invention
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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