i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
