I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
