he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
