the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize