Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
