I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fuck appropriateness.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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