I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
