If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
3 2 1 whiskey
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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