Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
