If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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