shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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