boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
