he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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