I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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