I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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