I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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