You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
