The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
