if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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