oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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