I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
