How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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