oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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