You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
