Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
