soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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