walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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