I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
