goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
