i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
