you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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