I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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