your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
