phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
