i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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