all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
