Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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