No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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