OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
