Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need water and some morals
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
