well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
