Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
