its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
