We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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