I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
