im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
