hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
