I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
