Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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