It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
