you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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