I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
