i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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