The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
