For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
