Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
