And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
