Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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