It's just like the Real World with babies
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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