youre lurking in front of me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
