I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
